She called me Mom today

She called me mom today.  I know it slipped out—we were all playing in the pool and in the middle of the games, she yelled “Let’s get Mom!”.  And a few minutes later, it came out again—“Momma”.  I know that our relationship is new and she has had many moms in her world.  And Aunts.   And Dads.  She tried to count the foster homes and the relative’s homes and places her mom took her to hide from her dad.  The list was long and her memories are at times intense and then the next second vague—flashes of a good memory and a sparkle in her eyes, then in an instant the happy thought is chased away by a bad memory that floods in.

It is hard to be around sad children.  Especially sad children that really have a reason to be sad.  Not the sadness that comes from going through the tough lessons of life like being grounded, a friend moving, or getting a bad grade.  I am talking about a deep sadness that comes from places most of us have never gone to and never will.  Abuse.  Parents that walk away.  Losing your siblings.  Trying to hide bruises and scars.  Kids that are living some horrible version of PTSD where there are no safe places…….

But she called me mom today.  That doesn’t mean that sadness is gone or that I am her mom or that her world is perfect now.  It may mean nothing at all.  But I choose hope.  I believe that her calling me mom might mean that she feels safe. It might mean that there is a kernel of trust growing between us.  It might mean that she feels hope.  And for me, that is an answered prayer.  I have prayed that she would feel like she was a part of our family.  That she would feel safe.  That she would feel wanted.  That she would feel loved.  And one day she would call us both Mom and Dad and mean it…….