One Year

                                               





                                               

I started writing this several days ago and planned to post it yesterday.  But life, as we all know happens around us and the best laid plans are sometimes waylaid by the demands of the moment right in front of you.  

On August 5^th, 2015, 2 little boys walked through our door and joined their sister who had already been in our home for almost 2 weeks.  You see, the day we got Virginia, we witnessed a scene that we now know was very familiar to our kids—familiar but painful beyond measure.  They were being separated from each other.  Taken to different homes, and not knowing when or if they would see each other again.  Sadly, there were two more sisters that had gone to a different home and contact had been lost.  The tears that July day were sharp and painful.  They begged for the adults in this situation to not put them through this again. Separate them again.  Tear them apart from each other.  Nothing is in their control and they knew that better than anyone.

Norm and I had plans.  Those plans did not include adopting 3 more kids.  But God, in His wisdom redirected our path, tugged at our hearts, and took us to the deepest of oceans, the barren place in the desert, a place where we realized our life was not in our control but in Gods.  I would be lying to say it was easy.  It was not.  We had already adopted 2 children and raised the 4 born to us, so some would say we should have been prepared, wise, and confident.  The exact opposite is the truth.  Any parent of more than one child will attest to the fact that all children are different—so much so that sometimes it feels like with each new one we get totally different creatures!

So today I reflect back on the last year.  We have had times of triumph, days of agony, moments of doubt, seasons of success, pain, hurt, heartache, compassion, trust, fun, tears, joy, laughter, and finally love.  That love birthed a family—there was already a family in this place but with each child, we entered a deeper dimension, a fortified faith, and a powerful promise.

For me, anniversaries are the perfect time to take a step out of the whirlwind of life that I am living and really reflect and evaluate progress and growth.  What a year!  The change in all of the children in our home is remarkable—drastic even.  What have we done in the last year?

Worked hard

Played harder

Built trust

Introduced them to God

Taken multiple family trips

Attended camps

Watched old movies

Tried new foods

Established routines, boundaries, and rules

Experienced failures that spurred us to success

We adopted them and they adopted us.

                                                         

We have had 365 days together.  They had 2434 in in the foster care system.  We can never erase those first years of their life.  But working together, we can change the story.  Their story started sad and got worse and worse over the years—but today, their story is changing.  We can never go back and erase any of our stories but there is something about adoption mirrors our relationship with God.  With every birth, there is promise but at some point someone’s sin enters our story—it may be our own or that of others and it takes us away from the promise.  With adoption, the promise is restored, hope returns, and relationship is transformed.  Change is rarely easy—even the good ones. For me, fear of change is the paralyzing factor that keeps me from the finest rewards that God may have for me. 

Ephesians says:

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! “

Each one of us on our own or even together cannot accomplish the full measure of what God can accomplish when we turn it all over to him.  He has given me immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine—when I walk by faith, step into promise, and seek to do His will.  I never imagined that I would parent 9 kids but God had it planned and He has ordered my steps.  So when I struggle and feel overwhelmed and without the energy to keep up with my life, I hope I can look back on this year and recognize the hand of God and remember it is not me that brought me to this place, but Him.  And I will continue to step by faith into deep waters and unknown forests without a map or a lifeboat and resolutely grasp how wide, long, high, and deep is His love for me and it is all for His glory!  Because I see it in the faces of my children.

                                          

Changes, Caring, Love, and Luxeries

 

Transitions are hard.  Even ones that are good.  Changing takes faith and hope and there is always a little bit of fear.  Our sweet preteen has been with us just over 5 months and adoption is around the corner.  She is excelling in school, is student council president, and has really grown and matured in so many ways.  We still have hard days, not so good days, and some days that we all wish we could rewind the clock and do over.

Every foster home has different rules.  New bedtimes.  New neighborhood.  New church.  New foods.  Stay at home parent or going to daycare.  Help with homework or not.  Computer, TV, Video games all have new and different rules. 

‘I wasn’t raised like that!’  Is a phrase we have heard over and over again.  So we have tried to be patient with behaviors, not make consequences too harsh but still teach the lesson that needs to be taught and overlook things we can so we can demonstrate the bigger picture of love and acceptance. 

But today I heard something that cut me to my heart.   We have had a repeated behavior that we have been patient with but tonight we sat our sweet girl down and told her that although in the past we have not given consequences for this behavior, it is time to change that.  So we told her if it happened again, we would have to enforce some consequences that we have not yet done.  She was visibly upset, sobbing.  We tried to explain to her that we have been patient but she knew better and in the best interest of the whole family, we would take these steps in the future.  She continued to sob.  We asked her if she thought we were being unfair.  Or if she acted the same way at school, what would the consequences be?  She agreed that at school, she would have had severe repercussions.  But she continued to cry and sob.  We began to defend our stance that it was time for this behavior to stop.  

She answered ‘I am not upset that you are going to punish me.  I just don’t know what to do with all this caring and love.’ 

What do you mean?

‘You still love me even though I did this bad thing.  I don’t know how to feel about you guys waiting this long to give me consequences.  I can’t believe that you still love me.  Why do you care what happens to me?’

Oh sweet girl, we love you.

Aren’t we like this with God sometimes?  He gave His Son.  For me.  I don’t deserve that.  But He gives it anyway.  And I don’t feel worthy of that kind of love.  And my sweet girl doesn’t either.  But it is there for us both and we both need to decide to be loved.  I have always taken for granted that my parents love me.  What a luxury that really is…to know you are loved and part of the family.