Transitions are hard.
Even ones that are good. Changing
takes faith and hope and there is always a little bit of fear. Our sweet preteen has been with us just over
5 months and adoption is around the corner.
She is excelling in school, is student council president, and has really
grown and matured in so many ways. We
still have hard days, not so good days, and some days that we all wish we could
rewind the clock and do over.
Every foster home has different rules. New bedtimes.
New neighborhood. New
church. New foods. Stay at home parent or going to daycare. Help with homework or not. Computer, TV, Video games all have new and
different rules.
‘I wasn’t raised like that!’
Is a phrase we have heard over and over again. So we have tried to be patient with
behaviors, not make consequences too harsh but still teach the lesson that
needs to be taught and overlook things we can so we can demonstrate the bigger
picture of love and acceptance.
But today I heard something that cut me to my heart. We have had a repeated behavior that we have
been patient with but tonight we sat our sweet girl down and told her that
although in the past we have not given consequences for this behavior, it is
time to change that. So we told her if
it happened again, we would have to enforce some consequences that we have not
yet done. She was visibly upset,
sobbing. We tried to explain to her that
we have been patient but she knew better and in the best interest of the whole
family, we would take these steps in the future. She continued to sob. We asked her if she thought we were being unfair. Or if she acted the same way at school, what
would the consequences be? She agreed
that at school, she would have had severe repercussions. But she continued to cry and sob. We began to defend our stance that it was
time for this behavior to stop.
She answered ‘I am not upset that you are going to punish
me. I just don’t know what to do with
all this caring and love.’
What do you mean?
‘You still love me even though I did this bad thing. I don’t know how to feel about you guys
waiting this long to give me consequences.
I can’t believe that you still love me.
Why do you care what happens to me?’
Oh sweet girl, we love you.
Aren’t we like this with God sometimes? He gave His Son. For me.
I don’t deserve that. But He
gives it anyway. And I don’t feel worthy
of that kind of love. And my sweet girl doesn’t
either. But it is there for us both and
we both need to decide to be loved. I
have always taken for granted that my parents love me. What a luxury that really is…to know you are
loved and part of the family.
