True Life

I have sat down and started to write a blog almost 100 times in the last few months.  But I have not finished a single one.  Part of it is getting my thoughts together is tough.  Some of it is what I have to say—what I want to shout from the roof tops—is not only my story—it involves others and they have a right to decide how and when their story is shared.

So I will try and express this and be as vague as I need to and really convey my feeling. 

Fostering and adopting is never a destination but a long and windy journey.  And it always starts with hurt.  A separation.  A cutting of ties.  A breaking of bonds.  Something not turning out the way it was supposed to.  And the journey attempts to heal ugly wounds, replace frayed ties, forge new bonds, and build sturdy trusts.  Sometimes a sweet baby is placed into the arms of loving parents that have like Hannah, prayed and yearned for this child and that is so beautiful, perfect, and they are loved the moment they are placed in arms that could already feel the curve and sighs of it's body!  A courageous gift from a birth family—that never ‘gave up’ their child but chose to place a precious little person in the arms of someone who could love and take care of them in a different way and most of the times better way than they could…..

My experience has always been with an older children.  Their stories are all different—where they came from, how they came to me, and the circumstances that have brought them there.  They have a history and figuring it out is like peeling back the layers of an onion.  The day I fix chicken and dumplings and all of the sudden my teen is angry—and I cant figure out why and after an evening of arguing and frustration, I find out through tears and yells that chicken and dumplings trigger a memory of a very dark time in their short little lives.  Or the fun hike we all want to enjoy as a family turns into a disaster because there was a hike long before our shared history and on that hike, my child was left in a cold dark, scary, place overnight and the fear of that happening again won’t go away.  These are just a few examples of the pitfalls, blind corners, and frustrations we have encountered.

But what I really want to share with you is what it is like to see a child heal before your eyes.  I want you to sneak a peek at the moments when we as a family get to introduce a young person to the Creator of the world—and they realize His love for them, His dreams for them, and that their story doesn’t have to end the way it started.  That moment when you give them a key to your house, write their name on your mailbox and they realize they are more than just a guest but they have a place that is home.  When they realize that maybe I can get good grades, I can go to college, and I always have a home to come back to.  No matter what.

What I want people to know is becoming a foster parent is hard.  The classes are long and boring, the scrutiny of your family is invasive, the paperwork is burdensome, and the constant parade of caseworkers, CASA’s, inspectors, and supervisors that invade your home and time is frustrating.  It takes months to get through your home study. 

And some of the people around you not helpful.  They say things thinking you need advice—Like: ‘You know, you could have an empty nest right now and start having fun…’ or  ‘Aren’t you getting too old for more kids?’ or  ‘Maybe you should just downsize your house instead of filling your bedrooms!’ or ‘Being a foster parent is messy!’  or ‘Why would you choose to bring a teenager in your life?’ or ‘You can’t save them all you know!’.  And they are right, I can’t have an impact on all the children on this planet that want or need a family or a home.  But I can for just one.  Maybe two.  Maybe more.  And if I don’t, who will?   

God knew that there would be orphans, fatherless, and hurting people on this planet.  And He does have a plan for them.  It starts with one child at a time and those of us called Christians are the tools He designed to care for His children.  I can guarantee you it will be messy.  It will hurt.  You may lose somethings you value.  You can’t save them all.  But maybe, just maybe, you can save one.  And you will see eyes that were cloudy and hurt begin to brighten, their shoulders lift higher—you might just witness a miracle. I know I have.  Yes, it is hard and it is messy and most days I am not very good at this--but that is where God steps in, fills the gaps, portions out patience, and gives you words and actions that you have no idea how or where they came from.  He does the work if you step into the messiness. It is a long journey and the valleys are deep but mountain tops are amazing.  How much we make, how big our house is, what car we drive will all turn to dust and be worthless one day.  

There is only one thing we will all leave this earth with and that is the impact we had on others.  

Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.  In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.  1 Timothy 6:18-19